In my wilderness

Ref: previous post

When the pastor called us to respond to God's prompting to rise from our seats should we be in our Egypt, Red Sea or wilderness, so that he can pray for us, and to make a commitment to climb our mountain to encounter God, to seek Him and to see our problems and difficulties in relation to who God is, I stood up.

I'm in my wilderness.

I wish i knew where I'm going. I feel like i'm fumbling about in the dessert, lighting my own fire, paving my own way.

I'm lost.

Not knowing which church to settle in.
Not knowing which direction to take in my career.
Not knowing where to go.

Mid-year performance review is due soon. I dread having the talk with my boss. Not because I'm afraid she'd give me a bad review, coz i believe i've really done my best as an employee, but more so I'm afraid of the questions she ask with regards to my future plans.

I've been reading this book called "What the heck am i going to do with my life" (a book which my aunt says sounds totally "me" :) ) And I could totally relate to the examples given. stories of how people move in and out of study options and careers choices, moving from one state to another, not knowing where they are headed. I haven't finished reading the book yet though.

When I think of the fact that I'm turning 25 soon, i'm filled with fear.

I really can't believe that 25 years will be passing me by . . . just like that.

It's not that i dread being 25. I love being this age. Being financially independent (of sorts), being an adult. Its a different sort of feeling. It's like. I dunnoe man. I dunnoe how to put it into words. I feel like i've wasted 25 years of my life. I feel helpless and wasted. Heck, I feel like I'm like one of my students, not knowing who "I" am. truly.

I'm in my wilderness. I need God to guide me. I need His pillar of cloud, and His pillar of fire.

Maybe I just need to be made right with God.