unfathomable

I was thinking why it is that I love these kids.

And I realise that above everything, they are real. They are "in-your-face" kind of people. There are no second gueses, no trying-to-figure-out-who-you-are, no mind games. Real and authentic.. though not always very pleasant or acceptable... but if they like u, they like u, they don't like u, they don't like u. period. If its the latter, good luck to u. :)

I used to be like that too.

But somewhere along the way, I learnt the art of putting on masks. Different ones for different occasions.

I don't know if masks are essential to one's survival in society...somehow it seems to be so.

I think I desire people's acceptance too much. Maybe that's one reason why I can't teach. Coz i fear being rejected by the kids. Because of my desire for people's acceptance, I try to be who I think they'd like. And being who people like is not who I am....not always anyway.

And as i grow older, I realised that adults are really hard to fathom.

Sometimes when I'm with the kids, I don't mind being a bit undignified (ok... a lot undignified) and ruining whatever reputation I have by telling them the stupidest things. Even if they call me greedy, coz i go for more than 1 round during meals. Even if they "eeee" me very loudly when i use my hands to pick at the fruits. Even if I embarrass myself by blushing in front of them when they teased me.

But when I'm with adults.... especially people I don't really know... I tend to be very constrained. I try not to do anything out of the blue, or totally ridiculous. I try not to sprout nonsense or make senseless remarks which would make me look stupid in front of people older than me. I pretend to be very normal.

(haha.of coz angie would say i'm far from normal as I talk to my food and erm..other stuff which are not meant to be shared in public .... hahahahaa)

But as Ortberg's book rightly puts in " Everybody's normal til you get to know them". :)

And everyone's unfathomable until masks are shed and guessing games cease.