Lecture

Boss just gave the students a lecture for their behaviour.

I think it was much needed.

Their attitude has been lacking, especially for supposedly good student leaders.

Late, inconsideration, never submit their forms, lack of initiative, etc. I was starting to fear bringing them overseas.

I thot that perhaps my expectations were too high..but i guess its not just my expectations.

They apologised.

I really hope they mean it.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

On hindsight, they're just young people.

I was once like that too..and perhaps even so now.

I've learnt much during this camp as well...

of how easily I can lose my cool when I'm freaking exhausted mentally and physically. Of how I need the opinions of others to affirm my decisions. Of how I totally suck at making decisions, coz i waver at any other options given. Of how I am actually viewed as the "mean one" around. ;) Of how i can get very bossy when I want things done and yet not do it myself. I think there's much more to learn about servant leadership. As I mentioned before, I'm not the leader-sort...much as the saying goes that "everyone is a leader"... I believe that I'm very much a follower. All the so-called roles as a prefect in primary and secondary school, in the committee as secretary in sec sch choir, as a publications head in the prefectorial board in sec sch, in the committee in the fellowship, as a mentor...it took me these many years to realise that there entails so much more in being a leader. A good leader. An effective leader.

I can't make decisions, I take directions.
I can't give commands, I take instructions.
I can't be firm, I waver at views and excuses.

That's why character building is a process. We take one step forward and three steps backward, but nonetheless, we are always in a constant journey in trying to refine our character. Not so much as a leader or not, but as a person. Sometimes we remember what we need and ought to do, but most of the time we forget and lapse into self-centeredness. Thus, we often need the reminder of the people around us.

Sometimes my colleagues would tell me off for being rude and demanding. Or they would tell me, "that day I was very upset with u", or my mother would be unhappy at me blaming her for something, or reacting badly to certain actions. Sometimes my nicer friends would apologise for upsetting me. Whatever the methods they employ (hard or soft approach.. direct or indirect approach), I really appreciate it when such comments and reminders are given.

It reminds me that i've still got a long long way more to go.