I had wanted to blog about the dinner we had as a family, the wonderful musical we caught together, and walking home in the rain yet again. I wanted to blog about how I loved spending time with my parents, how spending a bit more money by treating them to a musical is always worth it, just to see them enjoying time together.

But the moment we entered the house, it all shattered.

Mum had her outburst again, just because dad forgot to turn off the fans in the rooms. They think I didn’t hear her yelling while I was in the shower. Didn’t hear her screaming at him, didn’t hear the pieces of joy shattering into pieces.

I wished I was deaf sometimes. I wished I didn’t hear, didn’t know.

I am so angry with God. So angry with Him for setting me up in hope and destroying it just in a moment. So angry for making me believe that everything is ok. That money can buy happiness by spending time together. I am so angry and frustrated, helpless and hurt. Why can’t they let me live in the dream and illusion that everything is ok? Why must an A grade day suddenly become like that?

Yes, I know what I should be thinking, that the last thing I ought to be doing is blame God. So pray for me. The one thing that gets me down every single time is the problem with my parents.

And I cried for the 1st time in 2008.