4 March 2007

i thought i was strong enough, but i was wrong.

Perhaps it was the breaking of a dam of suppressed emotions, confusion, frustration and hurt. Perhaps it was the understanding that things will surely be different from next week onwards. Perhap it was the realisation that I'd no longer be a part of some of their lives. Perhaps it was the realisation that there will come many many changes, and there is no other time than to be silent before the Lord as we need His guidance more than ever.

The ties are too strong, history too deep. Back in 2001, 1 reason why I chose not to migrate to Aust but to study in a local uni was because of my burden for the youth fellowship then. Struggling alone, and then with MM as a co-worker, and subsequently, Tim and thereafter WL. It was not an easy journey. This ministry is like my baby. It's what I've committed my youth to...it was what directed my vocation now too.

These young people are like my children. i often call them "my" kids, "my" youths. Building relationships with youths takes time, and over the years, it has become so strong that just being with them, just seeing them and hearing them every Sunday makes my day. The weekly reflections, letters, comments made always bring me joy at seeing their growth and development in Christ-likeness.

One of the things I can't seem to let go is the relationship i have with the young people. I always hoped to be there for them all throughout their academic career, when they enter into their first relationships, when they get married .... and realising how idealistic that is, and how it seems impossible of that to happen now. But as i lay in bed, with tears in eyes, God gave me a verse:

1 Cor 3:5-10 “5 What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe - as the Lord has assigned to each his task. 6 I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. 7 So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. 8 The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor. 9 For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, God's building. 10 By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds.”

I am but Paul, Apollos will water the seed. God will make them grow. There will come someone else who will lead the young people, someone who will see them through the other stages of their lives. By the grace of God, He has allowed me to lay a foundation in their lives, a foundation that someone else will build upon in the future. Thus, let me take heart that they'd be in good hands, for they'd be in the hands of God.

I know that He will sustain them, and that they will be the women and men God has intended for them to be.